Laidback Metropolis

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Sunday, February 04, 2007

naiinis ako. oo naiinis talaga ako. saan? sa mundo. sa mga nasa paligid ko na ayaw akong sumaya. sa mga bagay na pumipigil sa akin na ngumiti, na sa wakas maging maligaya. inis na inis ako. totoo. naiinis ako na sa loob ng isang linggo, samu't saring kamalasan na ang hinarap ko. maraming nasira, sobrang dami. nakakaloko. nakakagago. sa sobrang dami, gustong gusto ko na magpasagasa sa gilmore habang naglalakad ako dun. baka kasi kapag naaksidente ako, umayos na ang lahat. mahalin na ako ng mundo. baka kung nangyari yun, pumasa na ako sa theo. baka kapag nangyari yun, hindi ko na kailangan umulit at pagbigyan na yung mga one point o 0.5 point ko from passing ng mga prof sa psych. baka sakaling maintindihan ni gross na wala akong maintindihan sa kanya kaya hindi ako pumapasok sa klase niya. baka sakaling pag nangyari yun, umayos na ang mundo ko. pero hindi, baka mamatay ako e. hindi pa pwede kasi takot pa akong mapunta sa hell. baka madisgrasya lalo yung buhay ko pag ganun, di pa ako makakuha ng moksha. o kaya baka maging anay o ipis ako sa next life. tsaka wag muna. lalaban muna ako hangga't kaya ko pa. ipaglalaban ko yung mga bagay na alam kong magpapasaya sa akin. wala akong magagawa kung ayaw ng mundo na makita akong masaya. pero wala ring magagawa ang mundong ginagalawan ko para pigilan ako kung gusto kong sumaya.

mabait naman akong tao e. wala akong ibang ginusto kundi makitang masaya yung mga tao sa paligid ko. ayokong makasakit ng kahit sino. kaya kahit ako na ang masaktan, sige lang. tatahimik na lang ako. hindi pa ako pwedeng magpasagasa kasi baka pag nagkamalay ako, malaman ko na test lang pala ang lahat ng 'to. yung parang sa saw III, sinusubukan lahat ng mga taong walang pagpapahalaga sa buhay nila. kaya wag muna, sayang naman kung yun ang ikamamatay ko. kung lulunurin lang ako sa kadiring bagay galing sa baboy para mamatay ako, ang babaw naman. kadiri pa. ang baho ko. baka di pa ako dalawin ng mga tao.

patalo ang buhay ko. pero nagpapasalamat pa rin naman ako sa mga maliliit na bagay na nagbibigay sa akin ng lakas na pagpatuloy pa 'to. yung mga maliliit na bagay na pinanghahawakan ko. yung mga bagay kung bakit kahit sobrang lungkot ko na at kahit paiyak na ako, nakakahanap pa rin ako ng dahilan para ngumiting mag-isa at magmukhang katawa-tawa.

nagpapasalamat din ako sa mga kaibigan ko. yung mga taong natatakbuhan ko pa. yung mga taong natatawa na lang sa mga drama ko. yung mga taong kahit na natatawa, alam kong naiintindihan ako. yung mga taong naiisip na may pakiramdam pa rin ako. yung mga taong alam kapag nasasaktan na ako. yung mga taong hindi bastos para hindi maisip na kahit puro lang ako tawa, nasasaktan din ako ng sobra. yung mga taong tanggap ako sa mga maliliit na pagkakamaling nagagawa ko dahil lang sa kagustuhan kong magpasaya ng tao. yung mga taong naniniwalang ako pa rin 'to. na kahit kailan, hindi ako naging plastik at pekeng kaibigan kahit kanino. salamat sa inyo. kasi sa ngayon, kayo na lang ang dahilan kung bakit mukhang malakas pa rin ako. kayo yung dahilan kung bakit kahit patalo ang mundong ginagalawan ko, masaya pa rin ako. salamat sa mga yakap kapag bigla na lang akong naiiyak sa mga bagay na dinadala ko. salamat sa realidad na walang halong pananakit. salamat sa pagbibigay sa akin ng mga bagay na panghahawakan ko.

salamat sa tiwala, at paniniwala sa akin. oo. ako pa rin ito. ako pa rin naman si kate e. yung kate na matagal tagal niyo na rin nakilala. walang nagbago. ako pa rin yung kate na tanga, pero totoo. ako yung kate na itinutuloy yung mga bagay na alam niyang magpapasaya sa kanya kahit na alam niya na masasaktan pa rin siya sa huli. ako pa rin yung kate na mababaw lang ang kaligayahan. ako pa rin yung kate na nagpapasalamat sa mga maliliit na bagay na nagpapasaya sa kanya. ako pa rin yung kate na handang gawin ang kahit anong gusto ng kaibigan niya. cut tayo ng klase, sige. samahan mo ako dito, sige. ako pa rin yun. ako pa rin yung kate na handang ipaglaban ang kaibigan pero hindi ang sarili. ako pa rin yung kate na kahit kailan hindi manlalaglag ng mga taong mahalaga sa kanya. ako pa rin yung kate na hindi marunong gumanti.

at sa mga naniniwala na ako pa rin yung kate na yun, salamat. mahal ko kayo. salamat dahil kayo pa rin yung dahilan kung bakit hindi ako nagpasagasa sa gilmore at tinatawanan ko na lang yung ideya na baka umulit ako ng theo 121. salamat kasi kayo pa rin ang mga kaibigan ko, ang mga katuwang ko sa mga oras na ganito.
sa hindi, mahal ko pa rin kayo.

-kate ranting vol. 1456822 Chapter 156457154983145 verse 1565348643

let's go to the star. BE ONE TOO! at 7:13 AM

2 -wishes

Y
Friday, January 19, 2007

I hate this day. I hate this day. I just do, because this day sucks bigtime! (technically, I should be hating yesterday)

Why? Because I...

1. printed the front page of my pre-lab 3 times because my name was always blurry. i ended up using the second print out because i was saving paper and my printer was hopeless. i passed my post-lab with my name looking blurred.
2. woke up late for chem class (which was normal, by the way) and had to hurry up because there would be a quiz.
3. luckily was able to take the quiz but unluckily did not know how to answer it for i wasn't able to read chem because of that damn postlab.
4. was called fat and irresponsible.
5. broke my id clip and said, "hindi ko na siya maibalik sa dati."
6. got humiliated during histo class because i was accused of not reading the "bride kidnappings" article, just because i asked a stupid question. i repeat, i read some parts of it!
7. hurt samboy because of what he did to my postlab and i cried because i felt guilty. sorry samboy, you know i love you.
8. was not able to answer well a single question in the chem lab test.
9. did not know what beer's law was.
10. did not know the difference between molarity and normality.
11. was not able to answer "difference in color," which was a pretty stupid correct answer.
12. got a 5/10 in the previous lab test.
13. could not open my locker alone.
14. lost my graduated cylinder and found it at the end of lab class.
15. lost my lab gown and got one that was not mine.
16. got stressed out during lab because of loren gill. haha. joke.
17. overpoured distilled water on our solution twice.
18. got irritated at the lab assistant
19. spilled Fe on the table which meant we had to repeat because of me.
20. was really hungry during lab class.
21. did not understand the entire experiment.
22. had a raisin on my overpriced oreo and juliet
23. tasted the choco-mint flavored wafer stick (argh) that came with my not so special and again overpriced oreo and juliet.
24. wore my gap sneakers instead of my chucks. and so, my feet hurt.
25. had to finish my exegesis even though i never had a decent sleep this week.
26. drank iced tea without ice. and it was not even cold.
27. heard the corniest jokes.
28. did not know that we had to pass something for histo play and i haven't done it till now.
29. am bitter and acting like a bitch lately.
30. am such a crybaby.

gwen: kiki, what was that movie called?
kiki: i don't give a shit!
-america's sweethearts

this day sucks. every day sucks. my life sucks. and i don't care...at all

yeah! i love saying it...I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!

I'M FAT! AND I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!

let's go to the star. BE ONE TOO! at 8:29 AM

0 -wishes

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Thursday, January 11, 2007

lame.labo.lame

Your true love's name begins with the letter A-G!!!!!!

Examples:Aaron...Brett...Cody...Dillion...Eric...Franky...Gary

Take this quiz at QuizHeaven.com

lame.lame.lame. i can't believe i should narrow down my choices. the questions asked weren't even related! lame.

let's go to the star. BE ONE TOO! at 7:28 AM

1 -wishes

Y
Monday, January 08, 2007

dark and twisted kate

kate - the "never a dull moment" girl who never runs out of optimism...

would it hurt you people if i become pessimistic for once?

"all men are created unequal."

i am not a buddhist, nor am i a hindu, but i agree that life is unfair. i may have done something really wrong in my past life to make me live this kind of life right now. i am blessed. that's what people say. that was what i used to say. that was what they made me believe until high expectations were set and signs of appreciation became extinct. mabigat sa bahay. probably the reason why i often find myself spending alone time inside my room either feeling bad or appreciating my self - a pathetic way of compensation, a pathetic way of using defense mechanisms just to maintain whatever personality i have. but i have to deal with it. i have to deal with every thing alone. my mom, my best friend could not afford to get to talk to me and hear my sentiments every day. so i have to deal with every single thing alone. when i entered college, my mind was filled with thoughts, happy and hopeful thoughts. i had the belief that i was special. i could make a difference. i supposedly had a purpose. but right now, i hate to admit it, but i guess people were right. i am dark and twisted. i never agreed with those people who compared me to meredith grey. but right now, i guess i am meredith grey. i am dark and twisted. i could no longer remember the day when my life still had a direction. i took a lot of wrong turns. and right now i am lost. i used to achieve. i used to be the one. i used to live a happy and contented life. i used to be the honor student, the editor-in-chief, the goddess of extra-curricular activities, the daughter of proud parents, the loving girlfriend all at the same time. but right now? who am i?i am the quitter. the mediocre. the dark and twisted girl who could not even pass a chem exam. the girl who wasn't wable to fight back. the hopeless case. the girl who lost every single strand of motivation. the unappreciated girl. the girl who could not see a bright future 10 or 20 years from now.

siguro nga kung hindi lang ako natatakot na mapunta sa hell, talagang matagal ko na ginawa.

sorry. just allow me to have issues of my own.

let's go to the star. BE ONE TOO! at 7:43 AM

0 -wishes

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Saturday, December 23, 2006

on christmas

technically, it's december 24. it's the day before christmas and i still am not feeling the so-called "christmas spirit." christmas is supposed to bring joy. and right now, i couldn't help but believe that christmas is just for children. my santa could no longer give me what i want for christmas. as i grow older, my thoughts become more and more abstract. if i could only bring back the days when receiving my most wanted toy could make my christmas complete. but i could not. i no longer want toys. i yearn for things that may seem simple, but hard to reach in real life. i yearn for something that money could not buy. i just want to finally be complete. i hate seeing myself alone and sad, reflecting on my shitty life. i just want happiness. and that's what christmas should be...finding happiness.

it's never too early to conclude that christmas this year will never reach my doorstep.

let's go to the star. BE ONE TOO! at 3:55 AM

0 -wishes

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Tuesday, December 05, 2006

You Don't Need a Man, but You Want One!

You like having a guy in your life, and overall, you prefer not to be single.
You won't go out with a guy out of desperation.. you rather be alone.
However, when you're single, you do tend to obsess a little over dating.
Because no matter how good your single life is, it's better with a great guy around.

Do You Need a Man?

let's go to the star. BE ONE TOO! at 6:40 AM

0 -wishes

Y
Saturday, December 02, 2006

leche

i was writing a really really nice entry about my story with joey. unfortunately, my stupid net refreshed by itself when i was done. and so everything was erased. damn. the entry was really nice and sweet. i would have to write it all over again. it was the first time i organized my thoughts in making an entry and now it's gone.and i already am tamad to do it again. it was really nice...a masterpiece...it was like eric quizon's novel in so happy together. lesson learned from vinci: use the notepad first. anyway, wait for me to be masipag once again. i will post it soon.

let's go to the star. BE ONE TOO! at 2:43 AM

0 -wishes