technically, it's december 24. it's the day before christmas and i still am not feeling the so-called "christmas spirit." christmas is supposed to bring joy. and right now, i couldn't help but believe that christmas is just for children. my santa could no longer give me what i want for christmas. as i grow older, my thoughts become more and more abstract. if i could only bring back the days when receiving my most wanted toy could make my christmas complete. but i could not. i no longer want toys. i yearn for things that may seem simple, but hard to reach in real life. i yearn for something that money could not buy. i just want to finally be complete. i hate seeing myself alone and sad, reflecting on my shitty life. i just want happiness. and that's what christmas should be...finding happiness.
it's never too early to conclude that christmas this year will never reach my doorstep.