the shrink's mind

theo at pagpapasagasa sa gilmore

2007-02-04T07:13:00.000-08:00

naiinis ako. oo naiinis talaga ako. saan? sa mundo. sa mga nasa paligid ko na ayaw akong sumaya. sa mga bagay na pumipigil sa akin na ngumiti, na sa wakas maging maligaya. inis na inis ako. totoo. naiinis ako na sa loob ng isang linggo, samu't saring kamalasan na ang hinarap ko. maraming nasira, sobrang dami. nakakaloko. nakakagago. sa sobrang dami, gustong gusto ko na magpasagasa sa gilmore habang naglalakad ako dun. baka kasi kapag naaksidente ako, umayos na ang lahat. mahalin na ako ng mundo. baka kung nangyari yun, pumasa na ako sa theo. baka kapag nangyari yun, hindi ko na kailangan umulit at pagbigyan na yung mga one point o 0.5 point ko from passing ng mga prof sa psych. baka sakaling maintindihan ni gross na wala akong maintindihan sa kanya kaya hindi ako pumapasok sa klase niya. baka sakaling pag nangyari yun, umayos na ang mundo ko. pero hindi, baka mamatay ako e. hindi pa pwede kasi takot pa akong mapunta sa hell. baka madisgrasya lalo yung buhay ko pag ganun, di pa ako makakuha ng moksha. o kaya baka maging anay o ipis ako sa next life. tsaka wag muna. lalaban muna ako hangga't kaya ko pa. ipaglalaban ko yung mga bagay na alam kong magpapasaya sa akin. wala akong magagawa kung ayaw ng mundo na makita akong masaya. pero wala ring magagawa ang mundong ginagalawan ko para pigilan ako kung gusto kong sumaya.

mabait naman akong tao e. wala akong ibang ginusto kundi makitang masaya yung mga tao sa paligid ko. ayokong makasakit ng kahit sino. kaya kahit ako na ang masaktan, sige lang. tatahimik na lang ako. hindi pa ako pwedeng magpasagasa kasi baka pag nagkamalay ako, malaman ko na test lang pala ang lahat ng 'to. yung parang sa saw III, sinusubukan lahat ng mga taong walang pagpapahalaga sa buhay nila. kaya wag muna, sayang naman kung yun ang ikamamatay ko. kung lulunurin lang ako sa kadiring bagay galing sa baboy para mamatay ako, ang babaw naman. kadiri pa. ang baho ko. baka di pa ako dalawin ng mga tao.

patalo ang buhay ko. pero nagpapasalamat pa rin naman ako sa mga maliliit na bagay na nagbibigay sa akin ng lakas na pagpatuloy pa 'to. yung mga maliliit na bagay na pinanghahawakan ko. yung mga bagay kung bakit kahit sobrang lungkot ko na at kahit paiyak na ako, nakakahanap pa rin ako ng dahilan para ngumiting mag-isa at magmukhang katawa-tawa.

nagpapasalamat din ako sa mga kaibigan ko. yung mga taong natatakbuhan ko pa. yung mga taong natatawa na lang sa mga drama ko. yung mga taong kahit na natatawa, alam kong naiintindihan ako. yung mga taong naiisip na may pakiramdam pa rin ako. yung mga taong alam kapag nasasaktan na ako. yung mga taong hindi bastos para hindi maisip na kahit puro lang ako tawa, nasasaktan din ako ng sobra. yung mga taong tanggap ako sa mga maliliit na pagkakamaling nagagawa ko dahil lang sa kagustuhan kong magpasaya ng tao. yung mga taong naniniwalang ako pa rin 'to. na kahit kailan, hindi ako naging plastik at pekeng kaibigan kahit kanino. salamat sa inyo. kasi sa ngayon, kayo na lang ang dahilan kung bakit mukhang malakas pa rin ako. kayo yung dahilan kung bakit kahit patalo ang mundong ginagalawan ko, masaya pa rin ako. salamat sa mga yakap kapag bigla na lang akong naiiyak sa mga bagay na dinadala ko. salamat sa realidad na walang halong pananakit. salamat sa pagbibigay sa akin ng mga bagay na panghahawakan ko.

salamat sa tiwala, at paniniwala sa akin. oo. ako pa rin ito. ako pa rin naman si kate e. yung kate na matagal tagal niyo na rin nakilala. walang nagbago. ako pa rin yung kate na tanga, pero totoo. ako yung kate na itinutuloy yung mga bagay na alam niyang magpapasaya sa kanya kahit na alam niya na masasaktan pa rin siya sa huli. ako pa rin yung kate na mababaw lang ang kaligayahan. ako pa rin yung kate na nagpapasalamat sa mga maliliit na bagay na nagpapasaya sa kanya. ako pa rin yung kate na handang gawin ang kahit anong gusto ng kaibigan niya. cut tayo ng klase, sige. samahan mo ako dito, sige. ako pa rin yun. ako pa rin yung kate na handang ipaglaban ang kaibigan pero hindi ang sarili. ako pa rin yung kate na kahit kailan hindi manlalaglag ng mga taong mahalaga sa kanya. ako pa rin yung kate na hindi marunong gumanti.

at sa mga naniniwala na ako pa rin yung kate na yun, salamat. mahal ko kayo. salamat dahil kayo pa rin yung dahilan kung bakit hindi ako nagpasagasa sa gilmore at tinatawanan ko na lang yung ideya na baka umulit ako ng theo 121. salamat kasi kayo pa rin ang mga kaibigan ko, ang mga katuwang ko sa mga oras na ganito.
sa hindi, mahal ko pa rin kayo.

-kate ranting vol. 1456822 Chapter 156457154983145 verse 1565348643

2007-01-19T08:29:00.000-08:00

I hate this day. I hate this day. I just do, because this day sucks bigtime! (technically, I should be hating yesterday)

Why? Because I...

1. printed the front page of my pre-lab 3 times because my name was always blurry. i ended up using the second print out because i was saving paper and my printer was hopeless. i passed my post-lab with my name looking blurred.
2. woke up late for chem class (which was normal, by the way) and had to hurry up because there would be a quiz.
3. luckily was able to take the quiz but unluckily did not know how to answer it for i wasn't able to read chem because of that damn postlab.
4. was called fat and irresponsible.
5. broke my id clip and said, "hindi ko na siya maibalik sa dati."
6. got humiliated during histo class because i was accused of not reading the "bride kidnappings" article, just because i asked a stupid question. i repeat, i read some parts of it!
7. hurt samboy because of what he did to my postlab and i cried because i felt guilty. sorry samboy, you know i love you.
8. was not able to answer well a single question in the chem lab test.
9. did not know what beer's law was.
10. did not know the difference between molarity and normality.
11. was not able to answer "difference in color," which was a pretty stupid correct answer.
12. got a 5/10 in the previous lab test.
13. could not open my locker alone.
14. lost my graduated cylinder and found it at the end of lab class.
15. lost my lab gown and got one that was not mine.
16. got stressed out during lab because of loren gill. haha. joke.
17. overpoured distilled water on our solution twice.
18. got irritated at the lab assistant
19. spilled Fe on the table which meant we had to repeat because of me.
20. was really hungry during lab class.
21. did not understand the entire experiment.
22. had a raisin on my overpriced oreo and juliet
23. tasted the choco-mint flavored wafer stick (argh) that came with my not so special and again overpriced oreo and juliet.
24. wore my gap sneakers instead of my chucks. and so, my feet hurt.
25. had to finish my exegesis even though i never had a decent sleep this week.
26. drank iced tea without ice. and it was not even cold.
27. heard the corniest jokes.
28. did not know that we had to pass something for histo play and i haven't done it till now.
29. am bitter and acting like a bitch lately.
30. am such a crybaby.

gwen: kiki, what was that movie called?
kiki: i don't give a shit!
-america's sweethearts

this day sucks. every day sucks. my life sucks. and i don't care...at all

yeah! i love saying it...I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!

I'M FAT! AND I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!

lame.labo.lame

2007-01-11T07:28:00.000-08:00

Your true love's name begins with the letter A-G!!!!!!

Examples:Aaron...Brett...Cody...Dillion...Eric...Franky...Gary

Take this quiz at QuizHeaven.com

lame.lame.lame. i can't believe i should narrow down my choices. the questions asked weren't even related! lame.

dark and twisted kate

2007-01-08T07:43:00.000-08:00

kate - the "never a dull moment" girl who never runs out of optimism...

would it hurt you people if i become pessimistic for once?

"all men are created unequal."

i am not a buddhist, nor am i a hindu, but i agree that life is unfair. i may have done something really wrong in my past life to make me live this kind of life right now. i am blessed. that's what people say. that was what i used to say. that was what they made me believe until high expectations were set and signs of appreciation became extinct. mabigat sa bahay. probably the reason why i often find myself spending alone time inside my room either feeling bad or appreciating my self - a pathetic way of compensation, a pathetic way of using defense mechanisms just to maintain whatever personality i have. but i have to deal with it. i have to deal with every thing alone. my mom, my best friend could not afford to get to talk to me and hear my sentiments every day. so i have to deal with every single thing alone. when i entered college, my mind was filled with thoughts, happy and hopeful thoughts. i had the belief that i was special. i could make a difference. i supposedly had a purpose. but right now, i hate to admit it, but i guess people were right. i am dark and twisted. i never agreed with those people who compared me to meredith grey. but right now, i guess i am meredith grey. i am dark and twisted. i could no longer remember the day when my life still had a direction. i took a lot of wrong turns. and right now i am lost. i used to achieve. i used to be the one. i used to live a happy and contented life. i used to be the honor student, the editor-in-chief, the goddess of extra-curricular activities, the daughter of proud parents, the loving girlfriend all at the same time. but right now? who am i?i am the quitter. the mediocre. the dark and twisted girl who could not even pass a chem exam. the girl who wasn't wable to fight back. the hopeless case. the girl who lost every single strand of motivation. the unappreciated girl. the girl who could not see a bright future 10 or 20 years from now.

siguro nga kung hindi lang ako natatakot na mapunta sa hell, talagang matagal ko na ginawa.

sorry. just allow me to have issues of my own.

on christmas

2006-12-23T03:55:00.000-08:00

technically, it's december 24. it's the day before christmas and i still am not feeling the so-called "christmas spirit." christmas is supposed to bring joy. and right now, i couldn't help but believe that christmas is just for children. my santa could no longer give me what i want for christmas. as i grow older, my thoughts become more and more abstract. if i could only bring back the days when receiving my most wanted toy could make my christmas complete. but i could not. i no longer want toys. i yearn for things that may seem simple, but hard to reach in real life. i yearn for something that money could not buy. i just want to finally be complete. i hate seeing myself alone and sad, reflecting on my shitty life. i just want happiness. and that's what christmas should be...finding happiness.

it's never too early to conclude that christmas this year will never reach my doorstep.

2006-12-05T06:40:00.000-08:00

You Don't Need a Man, but You Want One!

You like having a guy in your life, and overall, you prefer not to be single.
You won't go out with a guy out of desperation.. you rather be alone.
However, when you're single, you do tend to obsess a little over dating.
Because no matter how good your single life is, it's better with a great guy around.

Do You Need a Man?

leche

2006-12-02T02:43:00.000-08:00

i was writing a really really nice entry about my story with joey. unfortunately, my stupid net refreshed by itself when i was done. and so everything was erased. damn. the entry was really nice and sweet. i would have to write it all over again. it was the first time i organized my thoughts in making an entry and now it's gone.and i already am tamad to do it again. it was really nice...a masterpiece...it was like eric quizon's novel in so happy together. lesson learned from vinci: use the notepad first. anyway, wait for me to be masipag once again. i will post it soon.

2006-12-01T06:43:00.000-08:00

i changed my mind.
ok. so let's talk about losing more than a thousand bucks, my starbucks card, my atm and my student license. why do people do something not good to other people? all this time, i made myself believe that every person has a natural good. and what happened last tuesday made me realy really paranoid. i placed my wallet in front of my bag for the first time. and that one time when i felt lazy to keep it taught me a really painful lesson. losing...i felt really guilty because i knew that my parents worked hard for every single centavo they gave me. and so, when my mom was telling me to calm down and stop crying, i cried even more. it was not technically not my fault but guilt is definitely killing me...up to now

losing..
losing something is really painful..but losing someone is far more painful. and that's the reason why i am afraid to once again fall in love. for me, losing is loving's conditioned stimulus. and so i don't want to fall for you yet. not now.

2006-12-01T05:57:00.000-08:00

sorry guys. i didn't know that we had a reunion las wednesday. i lost my phone and my wallet (which had my life) last tuesday. i was so depressed and my so-called "friends" were really "helpful" and "successful" in making me feel good. anyway, i have a new number. im me if you want to know it. i just am not comfortable yet to talk about my 'loss." so there...

2006-11-24T08:31:00.000-08:00

damn gurl...i had no intentions of writing an entry tonight until i realized that i just committed a very stupid and humiliating mistake. my previous entries were all about my hatred for a certain person. i guess you people already know who he is. anyway, i enabled the cross-posting between my multiply and my blogger account. therefore, people from my multiply could read my blog entries. unfortunately, i invited that guy to join multiply weeks ago. i never knew that my entries would be sent to his email. the only thing i know right now is that he opens his email every day. therefore, he was able to read my hate mails. i hate myself for being so stupid. i just wish he doesn't receive this because i already canceled my invitation. i hate myself. this is really bad!! i even blurted out his name in my previous entry. damn...damn...damn...i am so dead!!! i even said that it was impossible for him to read that entry. and if he read that entry, he was a stalker. too bad, i was the one who sent it to his stupid account. this is clear stupidity kate. you have just proven how tanga you really are.

please please make me feel good. i am bothered!

2006-11-23T09:32:00.000-08:00

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy

When a guy gets to know you, he finds a great catchProblem is... you're too shy for most guys to get to know.From meeting someone to dating, you usually have your guard up.And while you're just holding back, it makes you seem like you've got something to hide.

Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend?

2006-11-23T07:29:00.000-08:00

i have a couple of things to say:
1. we watched happy feet yesterday at gateway. the story was really simple. it's the type of movie you'd see when you just want to feel good. i even had my picture taken with the happy feet promo thing. i will post it as soon as sars sends it to me.
2. who wants to watch BORAT with me on saturday? lor, my favorite friend (user-friendly) does not want to watch on saturday. therefore, i would have to watch it in full price. it's fine with me. i just have to find someone who'd be willing to watch it with me. vinci, if you could read this, puh-leeze watch it with me. we could have our starbucks date afterwards. you can also invite jana and the rest of the gang.
3.samboy!!! i'm really sorry!!! i wanted to watch your play tonight but i could not. apparently, i'm sick and i would not be able to enjoy it in this condition (drama). PROMISE! i'm gonna watch your next show...
4. finally, i just would like to make myself clear. i am not really against certain kinds of relationships. it's just that i don't feel like being into one. i've had a boyfriend but i have never had a rather (how do i say this in a not so awkward manner) deviant significant other...my life has always been an open book. a lot of people hear the name MIKA from me. just to make myself clear, mika is a HE. HE is a HE. i have no idea why his parents gave him such a nickname, but he is a HE. he is not at all feminine. he has a very masculine body. i'm not saying this to defend that ass, i'm here to defend my self. mika's real name is definitely not MIKAELA. he is MR. SIR MIKHAIL EDMUND CELESTINO. and that'd be the last time i'd type out his name. besides, he would never read this. and i don't care if he does. he'd only give me the idea that he is so into me. hahahaha (evil laugh)

2006-11-20T07:02:00.000-08:00

here i am tapping the keys of my keyboard without anything to talk about. i just feel obliged to post an entry. sem break is over and last monday signaled the start of a supposedly productive sem. viewing my current status, it seems like i already am losing every flame of determination i had during the sem break. i feel so tired. soccer made me so tired this morning. and guess what, my 'hotness' teacher just kept on showing up every time i said things about the sport and about her.anyway, i love some of my professors. i love my histo prof. she is one of the best dressed professors in the ateneo. my theo prof is....well let's not talk about him...tanggap ko na b na lang siguro ang makukuha ko, considering that the average of his former class was a C+..damn gurl!!!my dev't psych is ok,i guess...my personality prof who was so unprepared during the first day is, well, ok...kahit na parang pagkagising niya nung araw na yun lang ata niya nalaman na magtuturo siya..hehe..gross is still the same old guy...so there...

nstp is the same with ador..hahaha...ahh yeah, i had a little road trip with yumi last saturday. she managed to bring the crv and we went to katipunan, to the other side of katipunan, to libis, to marikina (and got lost by the way) and back to libis (this time with lor). we watched casino royale at eastwood and spent a couple of hours more there...yesterday, i watched all my life again..and this time, i cried. when i got home this afternoon, i watched jerry maguire and reflected...oh by the way, i love the enemy!!!hahaha

but still, i don't want to see you on friday!!!!
can we not meet?
sinabi na nga na 4:30 uwian ko e, pilit pa!

sana hindi ito mabasa ni sarah mariano..haha

who wants to have a starbucks date with me?

2006-11-15T07:17:00.000-08:00

go to sleep..wake up early..and stop smiling

because that smile,

that smile means trouble...

kate, it's not yet time..you know that.

2006-11-14T05:54:00.000-08:00

talaga bang naniniwala ka na naniniwala pa ako sa'yo?

ASA!

hindi na ako ganung katanga para maniwala pa sa mga sinasabi mo. yung pag-iwas na ginagawa ko sa kaibigan mo, yung pinagtatawanan natin pag magkasama tayo, ganung ganun...

MAWALA KA NA KASI SA BUHAY KO PWEDE? MAHIRAP BA YUN?

anyway,,,

i hate being too obvious about my feelings (?)...and i hate myself for still loving my friends who are obviously making me seem obvious. but it's fun...keeping obvious secrets

haha
hehe

lalo ka na MAYUMI MORTEL!

2006-11-13T07:39:00.000-08:00

Things I Have Lived Through
(Put numbers instead of x's [1, 2, 3, 4...].)
[1] I have read a lot of books.
[ ] I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[ ] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.
[] I have been to Canada.
[ ] I have been to Europe.
[2] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[3] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[4] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[ ] I have been snowboarding/skiing.
[5] I have played ping pong.
[6] I swam in the ocean.
[7] I have been on a whale watch.
[8] I have seen fireworks.
[9] I have seen a shooting star.
[ ] I have seen a meteor shower.
[10 ] I have almost drowned.
[11] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.
[12] I have listened to one CD over and over and over again.
[] I have had stitches.
[ ] I have had frostbite.
[ ] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.
[13] I have stayed up til 2 (and beyond)
[14 ] I have been ice skating.
[15 ] I have been rollerblading.
[16] I have fallen flat on my face.
[17] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[] I have been in a fist fight.
[18] I have played videogames for more than 3 hours straight. OF COURSE.
[19] i have watched the power rangers. (I am sharing a secret. I was the original pink ranger not kimberly)
[20] I attend Church regularly. (of course)
[21] I have played truth or dare.
[22] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[23] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[24] I've called someone stupid.
[25] I've been in a verbal argument.
[26] I've cried in school.
[27] I've played basketball on a team. (intrams)
[ ] I've played baseball on a team.
[ ] I've played football on a team.
[ ] I've played soccer on a team. SOON
[28 ] I've done cheerleading on a team.
[29 ] I've played softball on a team. PE
[30] I've played volleyball on a team. (PE)[
31] I've played tennis on a team. Back in elem
[ ] I've been on a track or cross country team.
[32] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
[ ] I've bungee jumped.
[ ] I've climbed a rock wall.
[33 ] I've lost more than $20
[34] I've called myself an idiot.
[35] I've called someone else an idiot.
[36] I've cried myself to sleep.
[37] I've had (or have) pets. (you should see my house)
[38 ] I've owned a spice girls CD/cassette.
[39 ] I've owned a britney spears CD.
[40] I've owned an N*Sync CD.
[41 ] I've owned a backstreet boys CD.
[ ] I've mooned someone.
[42] I have sworn/yelled at someone of authority before.
[43 ] I've been in the newspaper. School paper..haha
[ ] I've been on TV
[ ] I've been to Hawaii.
[] I've eaten sushi. (I hate sushi)
[ ] I've been on the other side of a waterfall.
[44 ] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[45 ] I've watched all the Harry Potter movies.
[ ] I've watched all of the Rocky movies.
[46 ] I've watched the 3 stooges.
[47] I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica.
[48] I've watched Looney Tunes.
[ ] I've been stuffed into a locker/I have stuffed others into lockers.
[] I've been called a geek.
[49] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.
[50] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.
[ ] I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs.
[ ] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours.
[51] I've met a celebrity/music artist.
[52] I've written poetry.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[53] I've been attracted to someone much older than me.
[54 ] I've been tickled till I've cried.
[55 ] I've tickled someone else until they cried.
[56] I've had/have siblings.
[57] I've been to a rock concert.
[58] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[59] I've been in a play.
[ ] I've been picked last in gym class.
[60 ] I've been picked first in gym class.
[61 ] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.
[62] I've cried in front of my friends.
[63] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages.
[ ] I've played Halo 2.
[64] I've freaked out over a sports game.
[ ] I've been to Alaska.
[ ] I've been to China.
[ ] I've been to Spain.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[65] I've had a fight with someone on AIM/MSN.
[66] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face.
[67] I've had serious conversations on any IM.
[68] I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.
[69] I've been forgiven.
[70] I've screamed at a scary movie.
[71 ] I've cried at a chick flick.
[72] I've watched a lot of action movies.
[73] I've screamed at the top of my lungs.
[ ] I've been to a rap concert.
[ ] I've been to a hip hop concert.
[74] I've lived in more than 2 houses.
[75] I've driven on the highway/been on the highway.
[] I've driven more than 40 miles in a day/been in a car that went more than 40 miles in a day.
[] I've been in a car accident
[ ] I've done drugs.
[76] I've been homesick.
[77] I've thrown up.
[ ] I've puked on someone.
[78] I've gone horseback riding.
[] I've filled out more than 10 MySpace/LJ surveys.
[79] I've spoken my mind in public.
[80] I've proven someone wrong.
[81] I've been proven wrong by someone.
[ ] I've broken a leg.
[ ] I've broken an arm.
[82] I've fallen off a swing.
[83 ] I've swung on a swing for more than 30 minutes straight
[ 84] I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies.
[85] I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school.
[] I've lost my backpack.
[] I've come close to dying
.[ ] I've seen someone die.
[86] I've known someone who has died.
[87] I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point.
[ ] I've done modeling.every day
[88] I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings.
[89] I've taken something/someone for granted.
[90] I've realized how good my life is.
[91] I've counted my blessings.
[92] I've made fun of a classmate.
[ 93] I've been asked out by someone and I said no.finally
[94] I've slapped someone in the face.
[ ] I've been skateboarding.
[95] I've been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend.
[96] I've lied to someone to their face.
[97] I've told a little white lie.
[ 98] I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane.
[ ] I've fainted.
[99 ] I've had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not.
[100 ] I've pushed someone into a pool.
[101] I've been pushed into a pool.
[102] I've been/am in love.

102 things and counting..is that good or bad?

2006-11-11T09:45:00.000-08:00

You Are a Natural Flirt

Believe it or not, you're a really effective flirt.And you're so good, you hardly notice that you're flirting.Your attitude and confidence make you a natural flirt.And the fact that you don't know it is just that more attractive!

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofflirtareyouquiz/">What Kind of Flirt Are You?

2006-11-10T08:23:00.000-08:00

i have received chocolates. i have received love letters. i have received tons of bears. all of them from the countless men that i had come across in the 17 years of my life. all of them from the different men who left marks in my life. but there is this one gift that i have always wanted to receive...flowers. real ones. not the same old plastic rose that i usually receive from some of my friends during valentine's day. or the single plastic flower i have received from a guy when i was in grade school that was supposed to be a required valentine's present to our assigned valentines. miserable and sad. it would be hard for me to enumerate every guy that left a mark in my life. so here is how it goes, after being hurt and disappointed for a lot of times, i have finally made a deal with myself. call me a hopeless romantic but i have finally made myself believe that only the real guy would have the right to give me flowers. it would be him. he would be the first one to give me flowers. all the men who came into my life did not believe in the power of flowers to a woman, or let's say to me. but guys, i may be one of the boys most of the time, but i also want flowers! i am also romantic. so to you, please please give me flowers!please please! there was this one guy who had plans to give me a bouquet. he told me such after i broke his heart. assuming that he was not making me feel miserable and that he was telling the truth, i did not feel anything. that was because he was not the one. he tried to court me several times but i was too in love with one of his friends. i felt nothing for him. i never wanted to make him feel that i liked him but people were saying that i should give him a chance. or worse, my own best friend was forcing me. the guy i used to love was also teasing me. so let's just say that i gave him his much wanted chance. but what was expected happened. in just a few days, i broke his heart. i just could not love him the same way i loved his friend who was really a jerk. he was a certified jerk but i loved him for more than a year. guy A was a much better person than the one i used to love. but it wasn't him. i could not imagine growing old with him. he wasn't my prince chrming, my knight in shining armor. he was supposed to give me flowers. but even if he did, i could not accept them. flowers ahould be given to someone who is deserving. and i do not deserve to receive flowers from him. he never gave flowers to anyone too. if ever, i was his first. but i do not deserve to be his first. "first times" should be really special and memorable. i don't want us to remember bitter memories whenever we think about our first "involvement" with flowers. it's just not fair. so right now, i am waiting, still waiting for the right one, my prince, my knight in shining armor to say my name and give me my first bouquet of real and fresh flowers. i will never get tired of waiting until i see him: charming, dashing, all smiles and carrying my first bouquet of flowers...

and to you, good luck. i hope you find the girl who deserves to receive your first bouquet.

2006-11-08T07:57:00.000-08:00

BRING IT ON SECOND SEM.

HUMANDA KA. HINDI MO GUGUSTUHING NILIKHA KA PA.

YES. i am going to do my best to ace second sem. i will try to give my all. i may not sound like the typical kate but i am ready to face any change. i am going to make it. i have what it takes. i have the determination. i am motivated. and i have the inspiration. i must do this. i can do this. move over DR. RICHARD GROSS. I AM GOING TO NAIL YOUR CAUCASIAN ASS!

2006-11-07T06:14:00.000-08:00

AYOKO na nga kasi sayo. mahirap bang intindihin yun? iba na yung gusto ko. lumayo ka na sakin kasi iba na. iba na dapat. hinding hindi na ako mahuhulog ulit sayo kahit ano pang gawin mo. tama na. hindi na kita ulit iiyakan.wag mo na akong guluhin o pilitin. hindi ikaw yung gugustuhin kong magmahal sakin kasi peke ka. peke lahat ng pinapakita mo para makuha mo lang yung lahat ng gusto mo. ganun ka. nakakaasar ka. wag ka na umarte na parang may nararamdaman ka pa. wala ka nun. hindi ka marunong nun kahit ano pa ang sabihin mo. sana makita mo balang araw kung gaano kamali yung ginagawa mo sa akin o sa kung sino pa yung iba. ako yung tipo ng taong hindi humihindi. pero sa pagkakataong ito..hindi..hindi na ikaw. hindi na magiging ikaw kahit kailan.

tama na..ayoko na talaga. tama na tong kagaguhang ito

2006-11-06T08:02:00.000-08:00

we are all victims of unrequited love...

may mga bagay na mas gugustuhin ko na lang itago para maiwasang masaktan ulit.

2006-11-06T05:58:00.000-08:00

today was a really tiring day. i got my grades in the morning. then, we went to lor's place to eat lunch. we watched world trade at gateway. i bought new earrings. we ate at superbowl. we went to starbucks to chill out a little. and then found it hard to get a cab.

and so today should end my happy-go-lucky days.

next monday would and should be a new beginning for me.

sabi ko nga, humanda ka second sem!!!

at isa pa, sabi ko nga kay sarah:

tsong ang kailangan lang dyan, determinasyon, motibasyon at inspirasyon

tama siya!!! dahil mayron na ako lahat nun!!!

2006-10-26T01:42:00.000-07:00

people who know:

yumi
samboy
ven (ata)
reese
sarah

haha..i love the way your surname sounds after my name

try it..it's fun!!!

2006-10-22T23:42:00.000-07:00

things to do next sem:

1. never cut
2. do your homeworks
3. be a dl
4. do not take any final exam
5. have a boyfriend before sarah's party (having you as my date would be an extra..haha)

apparently, last sem taught me major lessons...

hey...i really like you.

2006-10-16T21:33:00.000-07:00

it feels good to finally have a crush again

...and it feels better to have him as my crush!!!!

hahaha

i suddenly felt the need to look for a mistletoe!

oops...

2006-10-07T10:55:00.000-07:00

huwaw! i have realized that i haven't been posting "lovelife" entries lately. my recent posts were mostly about, well, my love for my school. I love my school...a lot. I haven't even moved on yet. As a matter of fact, i often find myself bitterly making fun of the "other" school. oh well, may pera e. speaking of money, i have spent a lot of money this week because of this depression i have. well, let's just say this is my way of moving on. the reason why i haven't been posting lovelife entries is because i do not have one. yes i do not have one because i have completely moved on. promise!!!!

something funny happened to me though. There's this super cool shirt i bought two weeks ago. i told joey that the shirt would be a surprise. unfortunately, he also bought the same shirt. he bought an "im racing for la salle shirt." my shirt says "im racing for ateneo." haha...imagine how funny it would be to see us wearing those shirts.

i am in yumi's crib right now. i wasn't able to go home because i tried to finish my stat finals. i wasn't able to make paalam personally because i didn't know that i would sleep here. i don't even know if i am going to sleep. i am soooo damn tired! thanks to angelo for caring....darn i miss you tsong!!! i am sooo tired and i can't believe that vinci is partying at this very moment while i am so busy and worried about the things i would have to do next week. lasallians talaga.

not much to say

aaah yes, i have very malisyoso blockmates!!!!
check out my multiply and my friendster. i have found my husband...finally

meet
MR. WESLEY GONZALES

i found my destiny at dencio's araneta after game 3...woohoo, he was super nice!

WESLEY IS LOVE!!!

wishlist...

2006-10-05T19:01:00.000-07:00

My non-materialistic wish list

(finally I have one)

flowers
watching the sunset with him
have the best kiss afterwards
someone to sing “I could not ask for more” by edwin mccain for me (even he is out of tune)
a movie marathon
a magdamagan inuman session
get the chance to sleep all day
a love letter
a proposal from a crush
someone who can change my life
someone whose life I can change
“the” giddy feeling I once had
a party by the beach
hanging out and doing nothing with the him
waking up and saying, “what a fine day for love”
finding my phone the moment I wake up just to read an expected good morning message
“sweet dreams” message before I go to sleep
long conversations over the phone without a particular topic
the “you be the first one to put down the phone” drama
breakfast in bed
someone to ask my whereabouts
flirting and being flirted in return
“that” smile when I’m kinikilig
being with a totally secret crush and hearing people say that we looked good together
obvious denials
holding hands
a romantic date that would make me not want to go home
a good night kiss
dancing with him
naughty whispers
the feeling when you look extremely gorgeous and he looks totally mesmerized by you
a hug
a kiss on the forehead
a text message with just three words – I LOVE YOU
a life-changing realization
finding love
finding the courage to move on
finding the courage to love again
blushing
a surprise birthday party
a major sale
seeing him make pa-cute and me saying that he looks stupid when in fact I am kinikilig
biting him
watching him fix his hair and realizing that he is hot
knowing my purpose
get to read all the books of the bible
complete the simbang gabi with him
go to Sunday mass with him
a legal relationship
him being liked by my family
being liked by his family
the feeling when I am alone and I find myself smiling because I remembered the last time we were together
contentment and not wanting to ask for more
serendipity (when you bump into him in the most unlikely place)
an unending happy ending
a surprise he prepared for me
straight A’s
his friends asking stuff about me because he is too torpe to ask me
those times when he is obviously fishing and I’m aware of it
being missed by him
the look on his face when he is jealous
the words “let’s not fight anymore”
making up after a fight
the effort he makes just to make me happy
pet names
playing wrestling with him
that smile on his face when I did something that pleased him
the rain (only when I’m in love. I hate the rain when I’m bitter. Everyone knows that)
camping out with him
the automatic “smack” when we see each other and before we part ways
him gaining my friends’ approval
gaining his friends’ approval
an effortless gesture that’ll make me really kilig
laughing at his corniest joke
HIM

who says I no longer am sweet and cheesy?

2006-10-05T18:43:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to start this entry. I don't even know how to continue this without sounding like I am sourgraping or anything, because I definitely am not. I guess. I do not want this to seem negative because I do not want my yellow-blooded friends to think that I am against them personally. Ateneans don't do that. They know that I never do that. I still love them (Nica, Sinta, Bryan, Tin, Kuya Yay, etc). I really do, despite the hatred I have for their school (that I’m guilty of). I hope this would not go against our friendship. We lost. My school lost and it is difficult to accept that. So please just let me be…

I was there. I witnessed everything except for the last three seconds of the game. I didn't have the courage to face the crowd before me jumping with glee. I did not want to see the people who were shouting and yelling cheers against us happy and…well, just happy. My yellow-blooded friends know for sure how much I love my school. They have known my love for the Ateneo since high school. I have always been hardcore and they know that. And Monday night, I was eyewitness. Damn those people who kept on shouting like there was no tomorrow when we were already singing our school song. That was our freaking moment. Could they just give us that particular solemn moment to express our grief? If we could just demand some respect from them…

I felt bad. I still feel bad. I know this will take some time. I'm sorry if you are a Thomasian and you are currently reading this. Just let me release my sentiments.

During the entire game I was praying really hard and thanking Him for every lead. I prayed for the crown. Who would not? But still, I knew that the people in yellow were also praying for the same thing. (I have a question to those who raised the banner that said, “God is a Thomasian.” Are we talking about the same God here? The God I know is not a Thomasian because our God is everyone's God. Thank you very much.) I knew right then and there that after the game, only one team would manage to be called the champions of the season. Unfortunately, it was not our team. Maybe God has reasons why He gave it to the Thomasians. Our God is a giving God. I told Him that I saw no reason why He should let us win but still I was hoping, just hoping if He could hear my prayers. The game was a really good game, but there could not be two champions. God gave it to them. It may hurt a lot but I have no right and no intention to question Him. (Can I question the referees though? Do you have sons in UST or were you given 180,000 plus a car? Hmmm…may laman! Jana, paghihiganti talaga kita.)

Everyone cried. I cried. I'm not talking about the teary-eyed cry; I'm talking about the wipe-my-two-eyes-with-my-two-hands cry. And up to now, I find myself crying. I remember what Jamie told me when I said that it was as if I just had a breakup. (By the way, thanks Jamie for the new layout…daming side comments e no?) She said, “Dude, malala pa.” Talk about two hardcore friends.

It was painful to see the other team extremely happy after defeating us. But what's more painful is seeing our extremely HOT players cry on the floor. That was what made me cry. I saw JC Intal hug Norman Black before the game. (By the way, I agree…win or lose, it's Intal we choose) I thought that was it. I thought that was the moment. But it wasn't. I hate to see our three veteran players upset because they did not get the championship they wanted to bring home to the Atenean community. They will be leaving next year. I feel bad because their high hopes were shattered. I feel bad because JC thought it was his fault when it was not. We would not reach the finals if it weren’t for his leadership and efforts. It goes for the two other captains, Macky and Doug. I hate to see Macky play the game of his life with almost thirty points but still cry because we lost. I hate to see our players cry. I hate myself for witnessing everything.

Don't worry. You still are hot in and out of the court. Kahit pagod na ang linis niyo pa ring tignan. And sabi nga ni Joey, mas matalino naman daw tayo kay JOJO Duncil. (Oops…sorry tol! haha) At mas gwapo kayo kay Jose. Konting ligo naman dyan.

Tuesday was not a very good day for the Ateneans. Damn the UST student who said, “Win or lose, which school has all the excuse?” I hate him/her/”IT”!!! Have you heard of humility? How about bad karma?

Next year would not be the same. Three of our best players would have to leave. Our rivals will make a comeback. I have no idea on next season’s outcome. Coach Norman vowed to return because he really wanted his players to win. But it would be different without JC, Macky and Doug. (They were the last three people who were in the 2002 championship team) Still, I believe. We have been taught to believe. And besides, we still are the HAIL MARY TEAM!!! Kami pa rin ang bida.

And even if people continuously shout, “Beat ATENEO” on top of their lungs, we still are going to shout, “ONE BIG FIGHT” with all our heart.

Nothing has changed.

I am still an ATENEAN. I will forever be one.

I GOT HEART – ATENEO ALL HEART!

Gaya nga ng sabi ng mga Atenista, PUSO!

They still are Thomasians. La Sallians are still suspended La Sallians.

JC INTAL IS STILL MY MVP!

Note: Yung mga nakikiramay na La Sallians, salamat sa respeto. Yung mga masaya, wag maging bitter dahil lang SUSPENDED kayo. At dun sa mga Thomasians na nagagalit dahil wala silang nabiling ticket at sinabihan kami na, “Iba na kasi talaga pag may pera,” sorry lang dahil may pera talaga kami. Meron kaming Chris tiu na tinitilian niyo. At meron kaming Loren Gill na pumipila ng 5 am sa Araneta. Haha. Thanks Lor.

2006-10-03T20:07:00.000-07:00

just wait for my long entry about the game...
our phone lines are still not working because of the storm

anyway, just a teaser:

kahit anong mangyari, ATENISTA pa rin ako

AT SILA thomasians

same goes for the extremely happy lasallians who were unfortunately suspended this season

balita ko kasi may ilang masaya sa pagkatalo namin...wag ganun

ONE BIG FIGHT!!!

I STILL LOVE JC INTAL!!!

2006-09-27T03:58:00.000-07:00

we do not have classes tomorrow, not because of the game but because of the storm. anyway, i just wish that the game would not be rescheduled. i did not fall in line really early yesterday for a rescheduled game. grrrr... i have tickets...i have gen ad tickets!!!haha..i don't care if it's gen ad because i will jump to reach upper a!!!hahaha..or, i will wake up really early tomorrow to go with lor to araneta. hardcore na 'to e...hardcore...

minsan lang ako magiging college...kahit na sabihin ko na paggraduate ko manonood pa rin ako ng game, iba pa rin e...

good luck to jc intal. he DESERVES the mvp title.

to all the ateneo supporters out there, pls. pray fo our dear school. let there be no game 3. let us pray for a victorious and CLEAN championship crown.

we proved last sunday that despite dirty calls and mockery, we still are the number one team. we were able to reach the finals not because la salle was not there but because we have faith. we have always believed that impossible is nothing. we value each and every second we have. we never lose hope. we truly are the holy mary team!!!

1 second...
i was already texting angelo, "pare talo kami..."

then came norman black's excellent play...it was really amazing and he has proven that nobody beats the pro. i was jumping and shouting after kramer's breath-taking shot. everyone was texting me. the game was unbelievable. one second, the ust fans were shouting victoriously and the ateneans were already internalizing and accepting defeat. the next second, the guys in blue were the ones who were really really noisy and triumphant...truly, every second counts...the play was one of uaap's best plays. it made history!!!

as for tomorrow, i am hoping (really hoping) that we will bring home the crown. our main contender may not be present this season, but a championship is still a championship. they are not the entire uaap anyway...haha

let us all pray for the players...

ad majorem + dei gloriam
ONE BIG FIGHT!!!

2006-09-26T00:43:00.000-07:00

wala akong masabi...

still cant move on from last sunday's game...

click this link na lang:
http://www.ateneo.edu/?p=120&type=2&sec=27&aid=2824

just wait for my entry about the game...

ONE BIG FIGHT

WE STILL BELIEVE

ANIMO ATENEO!!!

a eto:

EVERY SECOND COUNTS....EVEN THE LAST ONE!!!

impossible is nothing

haha..hardcore

whocares?

everyone else in school was talking about it yesterday!

2006-09-22T05:44:00.000-07:00

am+dg

can i just share the text message i have received from my friend from ust on the night of their victorious final four game...

a TIGER does not always get its prey in two bites. on the first bite it weakens its prey. on the second bite the prey manages to get away. on the third bite, the prey dies and then other tigers feast on it.

Let's all have an EAGLE FOR SUPPER on sunday. Go tigers!

call me hardcore, i don't care. hindi naman ata makatarungan yon. wag kayong magsasalita ng tapos. basta kaming mga bida, quiet lang. tahimik lang kami. magpapaapi sa ngayon at pag nagkitakita na...nakaw quiet lang...hahaha

ONE BIG FIGHT!!!

Congratulations to the SAN BEDA RED LIONS for finally ending 28 years of not getting the NCAA title. inggit ako..sana kami rin!!!

to the tigers, wag na wag na wag kayong magsasalita ng tapos. malay niyo kinakagat na pala si pareng jervy ng lamok na nagdadala ng dengue!!!wahaha

2006-09-20T23:06:00.000-07:00

i would like to wish my second favorite team (the san beda red lions, that is) good luck in their final game of the season. i still am not sure if i'm going because my presence would depend on the presence of angelo and joey.haha

GO SAN BEDA FIGHT!

As for my most favorite team, today is the day. today is the judgment day. today we will know who our opponent will be. good luck!

ONE BIG FIGHT!!!

2006-09-20T22:14:00.000-07:00

of course everything was my fault. why did i have to hurt my self? i knew all along that doing that would hurt me, but i still did it. i did it because that would make you happy. that would make my feelings for you less obvious. but it hurts.

i hate you for doing the things you did to me before to my friend. pinagsabihan na kita e. wag ganun.

serendipity works for me. i love you still.

this one is for st. hannibaL

2006-09-15T20:48:00.000-07:00

since i was in starbucks yesterday from 12:30 - 5:30, i was really wasted. i had nothing to do until seven so i went to jana's crib. (medyo naligaw pa ko..haha)
we had our usual landian conversations and all that crap. para kaming the buzz kahapon sa kakatsismis. anyway, that's not the point. i checked out her pics in her usb...

so there

this morning, i once again checked out her multiply account. i was supposed to check if there were recent pics from jana's debut. there were none so i ended up looking at the hannibal photos. huhu..hear comes the tearjerker..

yes. we hang out at times. we see each other during parties and sem breaks. but then again, i can't help but feel bad. i was looking at our 4th year "before graduation" pics and i got really really emotional.

i regret saying, "iba pa rin tayo nung second year." remember those lines? i said them during our retreat. well, i guess a year was not enough for us. i really really want to bring back every moment i spent with you guys. the times when we were still 'totoys and nenes'. those times when we spent the entire day taking pictures and laughing our hearts out. i miss our uniform. i miss the fafings. i miss the gym. i miss the glorietta type chuchu.

i miss 4 st. hannibal

fine..i'm getting cheesy now. it's just that those moments were almost perfect. yes, we had misunderstandings and clashings of ideas. we can't help that for we are such gifted individuals..haha

i know that my superpowers could not bring back each and every moment. so to the blog hoppers out there, 'aka vinci' i just wanna say (though i haven't been this cheesy lately) that i love you guys. i miss you. party tayo!

2006-09-15T19:40:00.000-07:00

hmmm..i am liking someone pero secret muna. pabayaan nyo naman ako magkasecret kahit papano.haha..and besides, tatawa lang kayo!

anyway, i hate it..i hate the fact that you are selling me. si yumi lang may karapatang ibenta ako sa starbucks boys..haha

2006-09-12T04:55:00.000-07:00

sorry...i know everything was my fault. i never really meant to hurt you. i know that you know that i am not the type of person who finds it easy to say no. i just could not say no. i have now realized that it is really hard to try to please everyone. i cannot plase everyone by just saying yes. my yes could even hurt someone.
i know that my life is an open book. i always tell people everything about me. i kept you a secret. i never keep secrets but i kept you as one. only a few people knoew what happened between us, between that short moment. he knew. he, of all people, knew.
i did what i did last night because i just could not take it anymore. love taught me a lot of lessons. i don't want my next experience to be the same as the ones i had before. let's just say that i am really afraid to take risks now. i wanna be really really serious the next time i fall in love. and i'm sorry, i just can't deny the fact that i still have feelings for him.

but as i have said, i am trying here. i just can't get it. why don't you want me to stick to my answer. are my words not enough? are the words, "sige subukan natin" not enough to show that i am willing? just let me be. let's start all over again. i want this to be different from the others. but as for now, let me think. let me breathe. let me be sure. let me move on. let me mean every single word i say. let my "i love yous" be for real. let my sweetness come back. just wait.

2006-09-10T23:35:00.000-07:00

can someone help me uncomplicate things?

2006-09-04T00:54:00.001-07:00

tangina!!!!

i don't love you anymore

i don't love you anymore

i don't love you anymore

shit!!! i hate the rain. i really really hate the rain.

when will my timetable tell me that it's time for me to be happy?

when will your timetable teach you a lesson?

sorry...lilipas din 'to

i need a hug

2006-09-04T00:54:00.000-07:00

2006-09-04T00:38:00.000-07:00

am i in the right course?

i hate it when people ask me why i chose bs psychology. i hate it when they say that a business course suits me. they keep on asking me why i chose a course that would not let me wear a corporate attire, would not let me bring a laptop and a brief case. well, i would just have to ask mang pedring to bring them for me. the hell. stop giving me this dilemma. for everyone's information, bs psychology is an honor's course in the ateneo. i got into bs psychology because i am part of the upper 15% of the ACET. i don't care how hard accounting is. i don't even effing give a damn. what i know is that chemistry is really hard. chemistry is a subject that is completely different from accounting. failing in chemistry may also ruin anyone's professional life. being in this course does not change the fact that i will either be a doctor or a lawyer soon. i know i have the potential. i still believe that i can make a difference. i don't need people who are saying that i am in the wrong course or in the wrong school. yes. ADMU may stand for ang di makapasa ng upcat for some people. but i still believe that i am in the right school. i have no regrets. i am not shifting nor am i transferring. i don't want to surrender by transferring to a course or to a school that i have not chosen and have rejected. may 2005 was enough for me to decide. there is no turning back now. i know i have made the right choice. i am striving to make my choice the right one. as for now, i have to finish studying chapters (wait, i forgot) of my bio psych book.

hold on...
just wait...
for as the shirt goes, "I WILL SOON BE YOUR BOSS."

moving on...
i swear, i don't love him anymore.
but please...don't be too malisyoso,,,(know what i mean?)hehe

2006-08-31T01:11:00.000-07:00

kate does not love him anymore...

you want inconsistency? i'll give it to you

people always hear this from me. i guess, this time, it would more or less be for real. i would like to thank those people who make me forget my globe cellphone. thanks to joey and angelo for keeping me busy with my sun phone. i haven't been loading my globe phone lately. i guess this state is better. zero balance in globe will keep me away from temptation. zero balance in globe will make me feel tamad to load up and miss a call. this is better. this brings greater good.

i guess i would have to let my globe phone be out of load for a long time. it would be out of load until the time is right.

2006-08-29T21:02:00.000-07:00

Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than the love you give me 'Coz it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more

...coz i do not have the right to ask for more

tell me, do i have the right to ask for more? of course you would not say anything...
don't you know how hard it is to be involved in a one-sided thing that i don't even know what to call. you are so hurting me. it's hard to make myself believe that one day, things will change. one day, things will turn out right. i can't be blamed if sometimes i feel bitter. well, i guess, they would have to blame you. you are the cause of all my bitterness. you make me sad. you make me think thoughts i should not be thinking about. you cheat. but then again, you have every right to cheat. in fact, what you are doing is not cheating. but for me, it is. it is because i want to keep you. i want you to want me. i want you to have me. i want you to call me your own. i want to have a "we," an "us." this isn't right. this wouldn't last. knowing that fact hurts. knowing that fact hurts me a lot. knowing that fact makes me cry. it's hard to be with you but not call you my own.

no matter how many times i say goodbye, i always find myself coming back to you. i come back to you even though i know that with you, everything is uncertain. it's hard to ask you about things because i'm scared. i am scared because i might lose you if i find the courage to ask you about "you and me." i am scared to know the real answer. but then, i am also scared to hear nothing from you.

i guess this is the best way to stop this. i guess not initiating any conversation with you is the best way. still, it hurts. i am not initiating anything, and you are not doing anything either. damn you for being so naive. i hate you. i love you. still, i could not ask for more.

2006-08-29T20:42:00.000-07:00

the hell...i really want that atenista jacket!!!

bakit kung kailan ready na akong bilhin siya, wala na!

sabi nga ni sars, "pare, binigyan ka na nga ng second chance e.."

haha..tangina ang cheesy!

ok lang, i didden't win the speling be naman e...

i can't believe wednesday pa lang..why do stressful weeks seem longer than those weeks when i have every moment to rest? ateneo is killing me...softly

haha!

2006-08-28T01:24:00.000-07:00

i am soooo tired!!!

can anyone tell me how i can finish my effing english paper?

i can't even organize my thoughts...

can't wait for this hell sem to be over

oh..and by the way, i hate jervy cruz!!!!

he sucks!!!!

buh-bye SWEEP!!!

2006-08-24T01:15:00.000-07:00

hey!!!i saw you on tv yesterday...

wala lang

soreeh...mas maganda pala sakin e..e di fine...

And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to
Without a home without a friend
Without a face to say hello to
And now the night is near
I can make believe he's here

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness,
The trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me

2006-08-22T23:47:00.000-07:00

you are so killing me...

sino ka nga ba naman?nangungulit ka lang diba?

putangina mo

ikaw kasi yan e...
ikaw lang yan...ikaw lang..matagal na...isang taon na...hindi mo ba alam?

hindi mo ba talaga alam o ayaw mo lang malaman?

you told me last night that the remedy for a broken heart is loving again...but why are you not allowing yourself to love again..?why are you not allowing yourself to find true love.,..?

open up asshole...

ikaw nga lang yan..pero hindi mo lang alam kung ano ka nga ba talaga sa kin..magtanong ka nga kasi...sasagutin ko naman e,...hindi yung ganito...

wala ka na bang ibang alam kundi laro? puta

basta ang alam ko..ikaw lang

ikaw lang matagal na...

2006-08-22T23:33:00.000-07:00

i have built a wall not to block anyone out...

but to see who loves me enough to climb it...

***tangina...ayoko sa lahat yung mga pinopostpone na tests e...***

i'm not going anywhere...

2006-08-17T19:21:00.000-07:00

slowly...i'm dying

i no longer love you

but i like you still...

darn!!!

to the right one:

where are you? find me...
i can no longer stand the pain the "wrong one" is giving me...

2006-08-12T03:25:00.000-07:00

haircut = stress reliever

2006-08-11T02:31:00.000-07:00

sa forever, hindi lang isang beses mawawalan ng boses ang taong mahal mo...

2006-08-07T17:50:00.000-07:00

para sa isang taong lokohan...

ITAAS MO!

2006-08-03T00:27:00.000-07:00

and now, let's just move on to the mushy part of today's entry...
namiss ko ito..
anyway,

let's talk about bras and bayo shirts...

i know that there are a lot of different bayo shirts, but there is this one bayo shirt that is just for me..this particular bayo shirt captured me totally...i just could not let go of it..and so, now that i have every opportunity to hold on to it and keep it, i would do so...(i don't care if it is the right thing to do or not)

bras are everywhere as well....and it can't be seen unless you show it...

i need not choose the available bra...i have to wait until i finally meet the right bra to wear. i do not have to rush things. i will find the right bra, i know...

i do not have to be pushy. i will someday find the right bra

yumi, not this particular bra...

therefore, i find bras more important than bayo shirts....it's just that i want to wear the best bra..the bra that fits me perfectly...

the ultimate bra that can fill all the gaps i have...

*masakit nga lang ngayon na lagi tayong magkasama kahit na alam ko at alam mo rin na hindi naman kasi talaga tayo yung para sa isa't isa...
andyan ka lagi, tapos andito rin lang ako....pero hindi pwedeng "tayo"

the truth hurts a lot...
but i can't lie to myself...

i know the truth...and it freaking hurts

but ending this thing that we have is far more painful...
as much as i want to end this, i just can't....because i can't find a way how to end this without me getting hurt...

and you don't even give an effing damn...

why can't you see me the same way i am seeing you?

putangina!!!

2006-08-03T00:08:00.000-07:00

pls. pray for me. i took the makeup long test in chemistry yesterday..haha..hope this one is high...i tried everything naman to understand the concepts e...

andaming nagrereact sa friendster picture ko ngayon!!!ehem...ehem...ehem...

sabi na nga ba bagay kami ni samboy e...hahaha..

2006-07-21T18:33:00.000-07:00

tarages...

once again i was late for my nstp "thing"

i woke up 8 (it started 8...hehehe)

i haven't done my homework yet soi just printed a picture...

i havent even printed my 2x2 yet...

tangina, hindi pwedeng ganito...

and, i wasn't able to get my much needed rest...

pagod na ako!!!!

2006-07-21T02:06:00.000-07:00

hello?hello?hello?

oi tugsh!!!ano?you want to see me?

haha..tinatawag na ako ng tugsh!!!

yeah boy!!!this hell week is finally over...

2006-07-15T23:58:00.000-07:00

i just have to learn how to knit!!!!

i have to learn how to knit to keep myself celibate...hahaha

konti na lang tapos ko na season 2!

damn!!!!

i haven't studied for any exam.i don't have a lab report and the fucking books i need for my english arp are all missing...they are on shelf but i can't just find them,,..,talk about fucking bad luck

wednesday na kasi talaga un e..i need ten sources!!!!!!

2006-07-14T04:17:00.000-07:00

things i've learned from gen psy:

time does not equal extinction...

you cannot have two feelings at the same time...

***i wanna watch pirates 3***

2006-07-09T17:50:00.000-07:00

happy birthday!

happy birthday!

happy birthday!

i said it all last night...

oh well...

mukhang iba ung sinasabi ng ibang tao...iba ung dadalhin mo sa...

cge aus lang...

2006-07-07T18:15:00.000-07:00

tiendesita's + grey's anatomy = late for nstp GA

2006-07-05T18:03:00.000-07:00

di sinasadyang hirit:

"di mo dapat ideny yung fact na may other side"

luv you ven..haha

mahirap kasi talaga ang one-sided e..

backpack mode na to

2006-07-03T17:45:00.000-07:00

tangina

sama ng pakiramdam ko....

ayoko pumasok

actually, hindi ko kayang pumasok...ahehehe

uhmm...the other night i started to realize very important things...hindi nga talga kailangan ng commitment para sumaya...masaya naman kami diba?masaya kami sa ginagawa namin...masaya kami pag magkasama kami and i bet hindi kami magigng ganitong kasaya kung may kami..

you can have a relationship without officially calling it a relationship...what matters is the special something you both share...

2006-06-28T17:17:00.000-07:00

wala lang...

sad...

talo beda sa pcu...

miss you...

2006-06-26T01:00:00.000-07:00

this pain is fucking killing me!!!
i can't think right...i can't concentrate...i don't even know how to express everything i am feeling...
i'm so sorry...if i could take back every thing i said to you the last time we were together, i would..pero sabi nila, iyong ung tama...kailangan ko na to panindigan..i am not allowed to text you...we are not allowed to talk....but not texting you is killing me....i want you back even though you were never mine,...
when i hugged you for the last time, it was as if i never wanted to let go of you...i wanted to hug you forever....you asked for a last kiss, i'm sorry but i couldn't give that coz i know i'd breakdown and be a crybaby...
it's almost your birthday...i want to see you on that day pero hindi na pwede...we agreed that that was the last...
i guess i just have to stick to my decision...there's no turning back now....i can get through this,...kung tayo, tayo...pero hindi rin...i'm being tempted...i want to do something para maging tayo nga...pero sabi nga ni ven, mahirap ang one-sided...sa'yo..walang kasiguraduhan...masakit...mahirap...hindi ko kasi alam kung ano ang gusto mo..ako simple lang...i know this line is very very cheesy pero...all i want is you...ikaw lang...you are the one reason why i always am happy...you give me that giddy feeling....
lagi mo akong sinasaktan pero ikaw din kasi ung rason kung bakit ako masaya...
tangina ang baduy ko na..pero seryoso...

i was not able to tell you that day how much i loved you...i never said i love you directly....pero that is what my heart is shouting out....i love you....
alam ko cheesy na ko...puta talaga!!!
pero ayoko na...siguro nga tama na to....
sa kanya, may kasiguraduhan...sa kanya may commitment....ganun na lang siguro...

siguro sa kanya talaga ako sasaya...
siguro..

pero that day, unconsciously, i wanted to hear you say, "pls. stay"....but you naver said it...so i guess i just have to tell you this for the first and last time...i love you...i have always loved you...goodbye...

2006-06-21T01:23:00.000-07:00

aheeee..
thanks jamie (tama ba?) for the new layout of my ever updated (?) blog
tangina
three days pa lang pinapatay na ko ng 1st sem!

the books are really heavy (literally and figuratively...hehe)
ang mamahal at ang bibigat!

anyway, i am hoping that this semester will be a blast!!!nu ibig sabihin nun?hahaha
tomorrow, we will be going to uste to get yumi's chem book (god help us!)
i met HIM yesterday in Legarda station (of all places..haha)
i got the chance to walk with him and make few kwentos...hmmm

hmmm...

hmmm...

hahaha

oh well, hindi ako kinikilig a!!!
i swear

this sat, i will be watching perform in ncaa's opening, pero baka magred ako

ANIMO SAN BEDA!!!

wooohooo!

happy birthday besprend MEC!!

cute

2006-06-07T21:35:00.000-07:00

Dalawampung Hakbang sa Dambana
Isa, Dalawa, Tatlo…
Alam kong gasgas na ang linyang ito pero anu’t ano pa,
Hayaan mong sabihin kong walang anumang salita
Mula sa kahit ano pang lenguwahe ang magbibigay kahulugan
Sa pakiramdam ko ngayon.
Ikakasal ka na.
Mula sa kinalalagyan ko,
Dahan-dahan mong binabaybay ang gitna ng simbahan,
Hindi ko mapigilang lumuha ng maliliit na patak.
Ikaw ba talaga ‘yan?
Makailang pikit na ang ginawa ko,
Tinatanong ang sarili kung ikaw nga ba ang babaeng nasa traje de boda.
At kahit anong pikit ang gawin ko,
Ikaw nga iyon.
Parang kailan lang, kalaro kita kasama ang ibang bata.
Alam ko pa ang itsura mo noon;
Tisay pero bulok ang ipin,
Naka-ponytail ka na palagi noon pa, at chubby.
Bibo kang kalaro sa piko, pero kapag pikon ka na sa pang-aasar nila
Dahil sa lagi kang natutumba pag isang paa na lang ang gamit
Sa number 3 o kaya 4 na box sa piko,
Sa akin ka iiyak at aawayin ko sila.
Madalas nila tayo tuksuhin pero wala lang sa iyo iyon.
Natutuwa naman ako noon dahil sa akin ka lumalapit.
Para sa akin, ikaw na ang bestfriend ko.
Apat, Lima, Anim…
Binibilang ko ang mga hakbang mo sa altar.
Ilang segundo na lang ay hindi ka na single.
Masaya ka kaya habang naglalakad?
May luha ka din sa mata, nakikita ko.
Pero ang tanong na bumabalot sa isip ko ay kung luha ba ‘yan
Ng kagalakan o kalungkutan.
Hindi kita naging kaklase sa grade school.
Palibhasa lagi kang nasa star section.
Sa service lang kita nakakasabay, at habang
Kumakain tayo ngcotton candy ay nagkukuwentuhan tayo
Sa mga nangyari sa araw natin sa school.
At alam ko, nalulungkot ka noon
Kapag bababa na ako sa bahay namin.
Magba-bye ako sa’yo habang aandar ang service
At magtititigan tayo.
Close tayo nung elementary.
Ako ang bestfriend mong lalaki
At ikaw naman ang tangi kong bestfriend na babae.
Pito, Walo, Siyam…
Mahal na mahal kita.
At habang pinagmamasdan kita sa maganda mong gown
Ay parang natutunaw ako sa kinalalagyan ko.
Nasa kalagitnaan ka na at maya maya pa ay
Magsisimula na ang seremonya.
Nag-high school tayo sa parehong school at
Sa kabutihang palad ay ka-section kita.
Lalo pa tayong naging close kahit pa parating magkaaway
Ang mgabarkada mong babae at ang mga barkada kong lalaki.
Pero di gaya nung mga bata pa tayo,
Sa iba ka na tinutukso.
Sampu, Labing-isa, Labing-dalawa…
Pakiramdam ko,
Palakas nang palakas ang tugtog ng kasal habang papalapit ka sa altar.
Nakangiti ka at kung minsa’y natitingin mo ang mata mo
Sa ibang taong nagagalak habang pinagmamasdan ka.
Nasa sa iyo ang lahat ng atensyon.
Nagkaroon ka na ng maraming boyfriend.
Ako naman ay umasa lamang na maibig mo.
Wala akong ibang inalayan ng pagmamahal kundi ikaw.
At tuwing pinapaiyak ka ng mga magagaling mong ex,
Telepono ko ang kumikiriring.
Kaya nga noong nauso ang kantang "Halaga" ng Parokya ni Edgar,
Ay sobrang tinamaan ako.
Labing-tatlo, Labing-apat, Labing-lima…
Maligaya ka sa panahong ito, alam ko.
Ikaw pa, kilalang-kilala na kita.
Bestfriend kita eh.
Mula ulo hanggang paa, kilala kita.
Kakatawa pero naaalala ko pa noong mnga bata pa tayo,
Alam ko na ang mga panty mo ay yung may burdang
Monday, Tuesday hanggang Friday.
Alam ko na noong elementary ay galit ka sa Sibika at Kultura
At sa principal nating tinawag nating Miss Minchin.
Noong high school,
Alam ko pa kung sinu-sino ang mga nagging crush mo.
Kabisado na kita.
Alam ko kung mainit ang ulo mo, kung malungkot ka,
Kung hindi maganda ang pakiramdam, kung nae-excite
At lahat lahat.
Alam ko din kung maligaya ka,
At kung hindi man ako nagkakamali,
Nararamdaman kong masaya ka ngayon habang patungo sa altar.
Labing-anim, Labing-pito, Labing-walo…
Basta maligaya ka, masaya ako.
Yun naman ang gusto ko parati, ang maligaya ka.
At ang tanging hiling ko sa panahong ito ay
Ang panghabambuhay mo nang kaligayahan.
Ayan na malapit ka na sa altar.
Labing-siyam…
Ekasaktong ikalabing-siyam na ang hakbang mo,
Nabilang ko sa isip.
Congratulations.
Masaya ako at alam kong masaya ka rin
Ngayong ikakasal ka na…
Dalawampu…
…sa akin…

cute diba?

2006-05-30T02:29:00.000-07:00

i'm still in ateneo right now...

i'm killing time kasi alam ko namang late na naman nito si joey..'yun pa...

anyway, at last i've seen close to you

i felt for sam's role...kawawa naman siya...

sometimes perfection is not enough to win the heart of the one you love...sad...

sometimes you can do nothing to fight for the person who can't live without this another person...

sad...sad...sad...

2006-05-28T21:33:00.000-07:00

i will miss my ani kids...
thanks for the fun experience...

2006-05-28T21:14:00.000-07:00

uhmmm...wala lang

i don't know why i'm writing down an entry today...

nothing much is happening in my life right now...

as usual, tumatakbo ang oras...

i'm not feeling well. my SA crush has a crush on a girl who cries over the amount of calories she eats. he once had a girlfriend who is mentally ill. kumusta naman? minsan na nga lang nagka-crush ulit e.

after this week, i might go back to cavite. hmmmm...am i that ready to face koro again? am i ready to face him (with her..i guess) again?

oh well, i guess i just have to be happy now that i have two sure A's for summer classes....

talk about fruit of all my hardwork....

2006-05-27T21:37:00.000-07:00

yeah boy!!!

sinong exempted sa fil!!!

2006-05-26T00:56:00.000-07:00

to the people who made my birthday a special one...

thank you so much!

thank you sa mga bumati in advance, 12 midnight, within the day, pahabol at kahit yung mga late na bumati...

thank you talaga...

at dun sa dalawa na gumawa ng entry sa blog ko ng di ko alam...hehehe

i can't wait for all these to be over!!!!

konting tiis na lang kathrina!

2006-05-25T00:11:00.000-07:00

KATE, belated Happy Birthday!!!

hahaha. wala lang!! :)

-- Joy and Jamie

the thing about birthdays...

2006-05-23T04:22:00.000-07:00

they make me cry...
grabe, this birthday is really really different. i just found myself crying over things that stress me out. ibang birthday to.
guys, thanks for the mcdo lunch out, the swimsuit and the cake
thanks for making me really happy despite every thing...
kahit na nappressure na 'ko sa mga tao sa paligid ko,
ven!
thanks for the entry...kapwa diyosa..haha
thanks guys..i love you
ma, thanks for calling me. i felt relieved when you called.

whew....lit is f*****g stressing me out!
bad day...

i'm 17!!!!!!

woohoo...

2006-05-21T23:02:00.000-07:00

it's my birthday tomorrow and i feel really bad. I got used to not having school during my birthdays so this yeat is different, and really difficult. I have to finish a lot of things, and these things (particularly the people involved) stress me out. Puta! I have to do the SA dossier, the Fil paper, the ENTA show plus the Lit shooting. Damn!!! Some birthday...

Anyway, the Nueve Ecija trip was really amazing. I got to know a lot of people. I got to interact with a lot of new friends. And most of all, I got to talk to him.

Haha..kahit hindi ako ang MVP ok lang Samboy!
Bad trip talaga siya! Sabihin niya lang e...crush naman niya talaga
affected? haha

Boys are like onions...

Forest juice na 'to.
Tsaka ice sa vodka galing sa forest juice
Or-gy
Wag mo nang itanong

Woohoo!

2006-05-19T06:31:00.000-07:00

why is my world so diminated by christophers?

what's with the f***ing name?

i hate you..you weren't there when i reported!

2006-05-19T06:19:00.000-07:00

woohoo.
nueva ecija na tomorrow...

i will do everything just to be happy.
i will try to forget everything that stresses me out.
i will make friends with...my SA blockmates AND...hehe

happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
happy birthday
happy birthday
happy birthday to me...

i am 16 going on 17..haha

senseless entry

2006-05-17T21:58:00.000-07:00

2006-05-15T21:45:00.000-07:00

brilliant insights..

2006-05-15T21:37:00.000-07:00

schedule for the week (starting wednesday..haha):

wednesday

SA long exam

thursday

Fil long exam
Lit Reporting

friday

SA midterms
SA dossier
Fil Paper

saturday

NUEVA ECIJA!!!

plus:
ENTA practices (ehem...PM)
Lit consultation
ANI
Mentoring
Sleepover sa dorm
Grocery

tangina...stressful!

the shitty life of mine

2006-05-15T01:12:00.000-07:00

yeah!!!
this is the life of a 16 year old.

16 pa lang ako. i'm still young! why do i have to experience all these mature things that are happening in my life? bakit kailangang maunahan ko pa 'yung mas matatanda sa'kin na maranasan lahat 'to? bakit ang bilis ko mag-come of age?hahaha

oh well...
sana ganito na lang ulit...
i'm happy with what i am doing right now..
may mga crush na ako ulit!

damn..minsan na nga lang magkacrush, taken pa yata!!!
oh well, andyan pa naman si SA crush...
woohoo...can't wait till saturdaY

NUEVE ECIJA here i come!!!

sarah, swerte mo talaga...
inggit...

BOYS ARE ONIONS!

2006-05-13T01:50:00.000-07:00

...

i no longer love him, that's certain, but maybe I love him.

love is so short, forgetting is so long.

because through nights like this one I held him in my arms

my soul is not satisfied that it has lost him.

though this be the last pain that he makes me suffer

and these the last verses that I write for him.

...

i will have my sun back...

...

woohoo! making tambay in katipunan at night while yb-ing is the funnest thing to do with this kind of weather...

the bhest i ever had

2006-05-12T19:36:00.000-07:00

i was checking out my pc last night for songs that i have not played for a long time. then i found the best one, RAINBOW. oo na, baduy na...it's just that i remember one important person who shaped me whenever i hear that song..

HIM!

for "him":

hey! it's been a while. i know you would not be able to read this entry because we have gone completely separate ways, and besides, i guess you are too busy with your new found career. hahaha..ayan, i'm making fun of you na naman. sorry a...kasi i always make fun of you when people ask me things about you. ano naman kasi isasagot ko di ba? malay ko ba. i haven't even watched you act on tv yet...wag na..tatawa lang ako!

grabe!who'd have thought that we would end up like this? i know our breakup was not really the most peaceful one, but you see, i really really want to thank you. No one has ever loved me the way you did. I also never loved anyone the same way i loved you. What we had before was close to perfection. we were really happy.

i miss our times together. i miss those times when i had to make alibis just to meet up with you. i miss those times when you sang for me no matter how out-of-tune your voice was. i miss our "habulan moments" whenever nagtatampo ka dahil ang lakas kitang pagtripan. and then we'd end up, fighting. but the next day, okay na. i miss those times when we look for secluded places and just sit there, spend time together, and before we knew it, gabi na. gagabihin ka and your dad will call me. ako naman, pagagalitan kita after. hahaha.. i miss making silip in your classroom every time the doors of our rooms are both open. i miss our tambays in your house. i miss playing wrestling with you while watching tv sa terrace niyo. i miss our plans. i miss our wedding. i miss our children. i miss our growing old together...

most of all, i miss you...

but we are both living our own lives now without each other...

grabe...who'd have thought that the honor student would fall for some loser?haha..joke

and who'd have thought that the almost perfect couple would end up like this?

as our favorite song goes:

"...not all the time we get what we want"

oo na e, baduy na rainbow!fine

now that it has been a year and for sure, we both have moved on, i just want to assure you that:

no one will ever replace you in my heart. you will forever be here. at walang magagawa ang isang sir mikhail edmund celestino o sinuman para mawala ka dun.hehehe

i loved you...baby

who knows? ten or twenty years from now, we might see each other again...with our very own families...

that's life...

nonsense

2006-05-11T22:50:00.000-07:00

you always say:

"basta tatandaan mo, lagi lang ako nasa likod mo."

i appreciate every thing.. i appreciate the care...

but you see, i don't want you to stay behind me. i want you to be beside me. i want you to hold me, to protect me. i don't want you to wait for me to fall. i want you to keep me from falling.

pero siguro, i just have to be thankful with what you are offering me.

sabi nga ni yumi:

"kamay lang 'yung binibigay, kinukuha mo pati braso."

thanks anyway...

...

2006-05-10T23:41:00.000-07:00

A this moment, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men...at war with good. And some are good...struggling with evil.

six billion people in the world.

six billion souls.

and sometimes,

all you need is

ONE...

(i just remembered because reese was writing this down during SA class)

this song never ceases to make me cry...

2006-05-10T23:20:00.000-07:00

It feels like a lifetime

A thousand days have passed by

Since I held you, close to me

If I could see that smile, from my friend

I know that I could live again

I need you, here with me

Heaven knows, what to say

Even though for right now, you're so far away

I hope, and I pray

Somewhere in your heart, I'll always stay

Girl lately

My sun doesn't shine without you

Never noticed

What it feels like to be without you

Feels like I took

My last step, and my last breath, and my life's ending

Had to say just what I was feeling girl

Cause my sun doesn't shine

Sun doesn't shine

Without you

This is more for me, than for you

Girl I finally see there's no substitute

For what we have

Do you know how much I love you

And that we shared,

I can't forget

Girl a love like yours

I'll never let just slip away

Just promise that you'll stay

Heaven knows, what to say

Even though for right now, you're so far away

Gonna tell you, and show you

Do whatever I can do to get back to you

Have you ever seen a flower that never blooms

Seen a starless night without the moon

Well that's me without you

So come back and turn my nights into days

my sun doesn't shine without you...

for you-me

2006-05-10T18:46:00.000-07:00

yumi!!!
thank you for the message.

9 sunflowers for my sun...
someday, we, too, shall find our sun
or maybe (just maybe), you'll get your sun back

no need to search...

you

2006-05-10T18:27:00.000-07:00

wow!!!
you came back...
i missed you but i no longer love you
in fact, i do not even know if i really loved you because when we had "something," i found it easy to replace you with _ _ _ _.

we were making fun of him before, remember?
i never realized that all these would hapen.
sorry
thank you...

scared or scarred?

2006-05-09T03:16:00.000-07:00

shit...
i do not really know if i actually made a mistake when i said those things to you after you asked me:
1. who i love
2. am i not happy when i am with you

I really am confused.
i do not know if:
1. i am once again in love with you
2. i never ceased to love you
3. i am just in love with the fact that i want to be in love.

right now, i feel like i am being squeezed by different emotions running around my very small heart. am i supposed to burst all these out? or should i wait for the right time?
but when will be the right time?
damn!!!

you don't know how hurt i am...i just can't put everything into words...i feel that all the things i say are understatements.
i am scared i really am..maybe because i am scarred too...
i like you..i really do...i have always liked you...
and i know that you know that...

it's not that i am not happy when i'm with you...
i really am happy...
in fact, i am the proudest person whenever i am with you...(though you're not even cute..hehe)
it's just that my happiness is short-lived because i know that after spending time together, that'd be it...
i do not own you and i know that i do not have any right to do so...
it hurts to accept that fact...
after spending time together, ano na?
wala...
we're not even allowed to tell people that we spent time together...
that hurts!

when i'm with you, i really am happy...definitely happy
it's just that i can't help but feel the pain, no matter how hard i try to prevent myself from feeling it...

ang hirap nito..

ang hirap ng casualan lang.

sa'yo malamang wala lang 'to...

pero di mo lang alam, sobra na akong nasasakatan...

but as much as i want to put a stop to all these rubbish things, i just can't

because i do not want to lose the single string that binds us...

ayoko ka pa mawala...

wag muna.

i guess i just have to be contented with what we have...

2006-05-07T04:17:00.000-07:00

can i just say this...

kinikilig ako!!!!

hahaha

_ _ _ _ for the rebound

2006-05-06T21:07:00.000-07:00

i owe you this entry (pero hindi mo 'to pwedeng mabasa)

i am so happy!

Words aren't enough to thank you for making me really happy the other day. you made me forget my problem. I've never laughed the way I laughed with you (after the incident...). Kahit ang corny corny mo at kahit nagpapatawa ka that time, I felt really comfortable. And this morning, what we had was the first thing I remembered. Of course, there were times when I thought of the incident, but you eased the pain. Of all people, the one person who caused me too much pain before, eased the pain I feel right now.

Thank you _ _ _ _!

Thank you for this:

"Wag mo na po problemahin un. Insecure lang un sau. Ganyan talaga pag maganda. Saka nandito naman ako sau."

Bad trip ka..huhuntingin talaga kita.then, sisipain na talaga kita!hahaha

Friends, wag kayong mag-alala!hindi ako in love sa kanya ulit!haha

and for you:

i hope you're happy now.

To tell you the truth, I still am not ready to talk to you about everything.

i went to up kahapon with mikki..

then we ate at rodic's!!!the real place!then we met one of his high school frineds na up madrigals na ngaun..(beda high e..haha)...life in up is so cool!

2006-05-05T18:26:00.000-07:00

hay...yesterday was a really stressful day!!!
damn...
i just dated him...did stuff with him (the usual stuff..hehehe)
taught kids CHRISTIAN LIVING
and went to starbucks to get a free coffee...
something really weird happened while we were in starbucks...
two guys who were from up approached us and asked us if they could sit with us...
weird diba?
we were not even in a bar...starbucks un!!!
anyway, it would be bastos if we rejected them..so we said yes...

"yumi..stop selling me!"
haha...

wahaha

2006-05-04T21:21:00.001-07:00

thanks to jamie and joy for making me a blog...wahaha

finally, my very own journal..

i am not sure if i can maintain this coz i really am not that "matiyaga" in doing such shit...wahehe

bakit kaya nila ako ginawan?

maybe because they already are tired of listening to my mistakes and unfortunate experiences...huhuhuhu..

bagay talaga sa kin 'tong song na 'to:

Laging bigo laging sawi sa pag ibig Minamalas o kay sakit May balat nga ba ako sa pwet Mabuti pa ang tindera sa aming kanto Nakakaingit TL ang sweet nila ng Kaniyang nobyo Gusto ko lang maranasan umibig Tamaan ni kupido Gusto ko lang maranasan ang langit Tumibok muli ang puso ko Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako Ng panahon Di na nagbago bawat araw pare pareho parang kahapon Tumatakbo ang oras May birthday cake ka nga Ngunit wala naman kandila May christmas tree na malupet Wala naman dekorasyong pansabit Sadyang ganyan ang aking buhay Walang kasing tamlay Ayoko sanang tumandang nagiisa Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako Ng panahon Di na nagbago bawat araw pare pareho parang kahapon Tumatakbo ang oras Tumatakbo ang oras Tatanggapin na lang ba ang malupit Na tadhana o kayay Tatanggapin na lang ba na akoy Sadyang hindi pinagpala Tigilan na ang drama Punasan na ang luha Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako Ng panahon Di na nagbago bawat araw pare pareho parang kahapon Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako Ng panahon Di na nagbago bawat araw pare pareho parang kahapon Tumatakbo, tumatakbo, Tumatakbo naiiwan na ako Tumatakbo, tumatakbo, Tumatakbo naiiwan na ako Tumatakbo, tumatakbo, Tumatakbo naiiwan na ako

sad...

quoting my shout out:

we do not always get what we want,especially when we did not give much importance to it when it was ours. now that it no longer is,we can't find a way to get it back,so we simply have to face the fact that we have to let go and move on...

i lost him..all this time, i never accepted the fact that i like him, that i love him.

but now that he is happy with someone else, i can't help but feel the pain...

you were expecting me to tell you that before, and now (i know), it's too late...

i wish you all the happiness...