...coz i do not have the right to ask for more

tell me, do i have the right to ask for more? of course you would not say anything...
don't you know how hard it is to be involved in a one-sided thing that i don't even know what to call. you are so hurting me. it's hard to make myself believe that one day, things will change. one day, things will turn out right. i can't be blamed if sometimes i feel bitter. well, i guess, they would have to blame you. you are the cause of all my bitterness. you make me sad. you make me think thoughts i should not be thinking about. you cheat. but then again, you have every right to cheat. in fact, what you are doing is not cheating. but for me, it is. it is because i want to keep you. i want you to want me. i want you to have me. i want you to call me your own. i want to have a "we," an "us." this isn't right. this wouldn't last. knowing that fact hurts. knowing that fact hurts me a lot. knowing that fact makes me cry. it's hard to be with you but not call you my own.

no matter how many times i say goodbye, i always find myself coming back to you. i come back to you even though i know that with you, everything is uncertain. it's hard to ask you about things because i'm scared. i am scared because i might lose you if i find the courage to ask you about "you and me." i am scared to know the real answer. but then, i am also scared to hear nothing from you.

i guess this is the best way to stop this. i guess not initiating any conversation with you is the best way. still, it hurts. i am not initiating anything, and you are not doing anything either. damn you for being so naive. i hate you. i love you. still, i could not ask for more.